Being Safe

So I took a safety course today. 1 of 4 I have to take to be the companies new "Safety Officer"

What a crock, it was so boring.

But when I'm done I'll make more money again, so I'm stoked for that.

Love and War

All is fair in love and war.

Or so the saying goes, but then mankind thought up things like being a good friend, we attached an emotional aspect to it all. It is the general standard about the human race that anything, no matter what will be influenced by emotions at some point or another.

We place an epic amount of emotion on everything, even me. I wouldn't dare to leave myself outside of this demographic. I myself am guilty of giving programs to people who I deem to be to be "more friendly" which is an entirely emotional take on everything. I'm not surprised by this in the least, in fact I expect it. After all I'm only human.

But to the root of why I've been thinking of this.

In ideal terms of Love and War... nothing should be fair. Not unless you want to win.

The upper hand is always needed to win, be it through emotional means, misinformation or just skill. I generally have the upper hand in most romantic situations I get into as I go into them knowing I don't really give a fuck. You can call it a character flaw, tell me I'm heartless, or pat me on the back for all I give a fuck.

I unfortunately wish I did care, the last women I was passionate about, really deeply passionate about was long enough ago that I can barely remember what it feels like. Yet I still have lingering feelings about her. I can't help it, I'm a person with feelings. Mind you I'll deny that fact if you ever ask. I still want feelings, I want to love. Yes, I know I'm a mindless tool of the masses who believes one needs love to survive.

I'm going to meet as many women as who will have a weirdo like me until I find someone worth my love, none of these idiot tramps who want me because I'm smart and have a good job.

No, not to survive but to grow. The movie "As good as it gets" to me had one perfect line I would use if I ever fell in love, because I'm no prince. "You make me want to be a better man."
Because lets face it, I could be a whole lot better. I won't be unless it's really fucking worth it.

Who cares what I think anyways, I keep getting sidetracked.

I lost that upper hand recently, I went on a date with a smart and attractive women who I believed could hold a meaningful conversation with me. I dropped the guard I usually keep and let go.

I sleep alone at night.

Lets just leave it at that.

It's a Thankless Job

I'm a monster.

I really am.

I Remember

Would you believe that my life is more complicated every time I turn around?

Would you listen to me if I broken down and cried, letting go of everything I have inside of me?

Would you care if I died?

I know at this particular point in time I really wouldn't care about anything other than grabbing a drink at the pub and smoking till my lungs hurt.

I deserve better than this, I put so much in and get nothing in return. Just because I'm young doesn't mean I don't deserve everything I've earned.

Fuck you and everyone else who thinks they know better than me because they're older.

The life of a young man

Ahh life...

Life is funny isn't it?

I'm getting older every day it seems and I want to settle down.. not going to happen. All I want is someone to love and be loved by...

Life sucks sometimes

The Day After

Holy Fuck.

Did I ever drink myself stupid last night... It started at our Stampede BBQ then moved on to The Melrose. I drank with a lot of really good guys and had a great time. They were work people, including a bunch of my old co-workers and even my old boss, and his boss.


All in all a great fucking night.

I'm starting to wonder

I have a completely irrational fear of being alone for the rest of my life. Which is extremely stupid of me.... I've had the chance so many times but I continue to run away. I don't know why.. I don't know why...

Fuck it, Who really cares anyways. I'll get it all figured out in a few years, I have to stop being totally impatient with my life...

I'll just keep on working and doing my thing.. and stop being such an idiot when it comes to women who really do deserve my respect and love.

I can't stop feeling terrible about the past.. but all I can do is make the future better.

ZZzZzzZZzzzZZZZZZZZzzzzzZzz

I'm laying on my bed wearing my leather jacket wearing a white hot rod t-shirt and blue jeans... I look so greaser it's not even funny haha..

But then again... I'M FUCKING TIRED!!!

I want to sleep.. but Danny, Kev and I are going to Lloyd's to go rollerblading! I almost don't want to go I'm so tired

Hmm...

First Blog ever? I THINK SO!

Well here we go... Today was pretty ok.. I guess...

I changed my hairstyle today.. 1950's style Pompadour.. I like it.. and apparently I look classy as fuck.. I'm rather interested to see what work thinks.

That is all I have for today.. I'm gonna lay back and try to sleep while I listen to the Dresden Files on my Ipod