Love and War

All is fair in love and war.

Or so the saying goes, but then mankind thought up things like being a good friend, we attached an emotional aspect to it all. It is the general standard about the human race that anything, no matter what will be influenced by emotions at some point or another.

We place an epic amount of emotion on everything, even me. I wouldn't dare to leave myself outside of this demographic. I myself am guilty of giving programs to people who I deem to be to be "more friendly" which is an entirely emotional take on everything. I'm not surprised by this in the least, in fact I expect it. After all I'm only human.

But to the root of why I've been thinking of this.

In ideal terms of Love and War... nothing should be fair. Not unless you want to win.

The upper hand is always needed to win, be it through emotional means, misinformation or just skill. I generally have the upper hand in most romantic situations I get into as I go into them knowing I don't really give a fuck. You can call it a character flaw, tell me I'm heartless, or pat me on the back for all I give a fuck.

I unfortunately wish I did care, the last women I was passionate about, really deeply passionate about was long enough ago that I can barely remember what it feels like. Yet I still have lingering feelings about her. I can't help it, I'm a person with feelings. Mind you I'll deny that fact if you ever ask. I still want feelings, I want to love. Yes, I know I'm a mindless tool of the masses who believes one needs love to survive.

I'm going to meet as many women as who will have a weirdo like me until I find someone worth my love, none of these idiot tramps who want me because I'm smart and have a good job.

No, not to survive but to grow. The movie "As good as it gets" to me had one perfect line I would use if I ever fell in love, because I'm no prince. "You make me want to be a better man."
Because lets face it, I could be a whole lot better. I won't be unless it's really fucking worth it.

Who cares what I think anyways, I keep getting sidetracked.

I lost that upper hand recently, I went on a date with a smart and attractive women who I believed could hold a meaningful conversation with me. I dropped the guard I usually keep and let go.

I sleep alone at night.

Lets just leave it at that.